Amelio A. D'Onofrio, PhD

Selecting a therapist can be a very complicated and difficult decision. One of the factors most related to a successful therapy experience for people is the kind of connection they are able to develop with their therapist. Therefore, knowing a little about how I think about the process may be an important starting point for making such an important decision. My approach to therapy assumes that the unhappiness we may feel in our lives or the difficulties we may have in our relationships don’t occur in a vacuum. Rather, they are often the byproduct of entrenched and enduring patterns that have developed over time. We may carry wounds with us from the past of which we are scarcely aware and which may still color and shape how we feel. The problem is that these old wounds may continue to interfere, in the present, with living the kind of life we want to live. Many of us may consider starting therapy after something unexpected happens--a loss, a betrayal, the end of a job or relationship--where our sense of who we thought we were is shaken. We may feel confused and disoriented, feeling as if we've lost our way. We may find it difficult to make decisions for ourselves or even feel guilty for not having handled things the way we now wish we had. It is during these times when we may need help from others in working through this uncertainty, regroup, and find our way again. Good therapy, in my judgement, is precisely that process that helps us come to know ourselves more authentically and wisely. Only by looking at ourselves in a new way are we able to understand the roots of our dissatisfactions and suffering and find a clearer path to becoming more authentically who we could be. The work of therapy is not only about feeling better in the moment but it's also about identifying and altering the underlying patterns that may be keeping us stuck. What is required for this to happen is a space where we can emerge more fully as ourselves and, at the same time, be challenged to become more than we currently are or feel we can be. I believe that as we increase our self-awareness and come to understand more fully and accurately the narrative of our lives, we can become freer as human beings and live more meaningful lives. Finally, my approach to psychotherapy doesn’t provide quick and easy answers to life’s complex problems. Therapy with me will offer supports, challenges, and insights; and transformative answers do emerge from a process that may sometimes feel non-linear and even confusing. What is certain though is that you will not be on your journey alone. You will be accompanied through both the smooth and rocky parts of the work. While this inner journey can lead to many places, at its core it hopes to lead you back to your own deep wisdom and to empower you to harness that wisdom to help you better manage the complexities of your life, to help you expand your emotional horizons, and to help you find powerful new possibilities for self-acceptance and even change. ​ ~Amelio A. D'Onofrio, PhD