Cari Sans

Relationships can become painful when you keep having the same arguments, feel increasingly disconnected, or no longer know how to repair the hurt between you. You may love each other deeply and still wonder, “How did we get here?” or even, “Can this relationship be saved?” For more than 20 years, I have helped couples move beyond surface-level conflict to understand the deeper relationship patterns that keep them stuck. Rather than deciding who is right or wrong, we look at what happens between you: the triggers, old wounds, protective responses, and recurring dynamics that can turn even small moments into disconnection. My approach to therapy is relational, active, and grounded in family systems. Together, we work to interrupt unhealthy patterns while building the skills necessary for a healthier relationship, including emotional regulation, respectful communication, healthy boundaries, accountability, trust, intimacy, and meaningful repair. I specialize in working with couples experiencing high conflict, communication breakdowns, emotional disconnection, infidelity or betrayal, intimacy concerns, parenting differences, major life transitions, and uncertainty about whether to stay together. I also work with individuals who want to understand and change their own relationship patterns, strengthen their sense of self, navigate separation or divorce, or create healthier relationships moving forward. Therapy with me is compassionate but also direct. I won't simply sit back and listen while you repeat the same patterns outside of the therapy room. I will help you slow down what is happening between you, recognize the role each person plays in the relationship dance, and practice new ways of responding to one another. My goal isn't simply to help you communicate better. It is to help you understand one another in different ways and develop the relational skills needed to create lasting change. I offer in-person therapy for individuals and couples in New Hartford and the greater Utica, New York area, as well as secure virtual therapy throughout New York State.