I don’t think it should be difficult to tell if your therapy is actually helpful. I try to be responsive to the couple (or coparents) in front of me, collaborating to see what actually lands, feels useful, and brings relief or movement in whatever brought you in. To do this, I draw on several modalities and perspectives, including parts work (informed by Internal Family Systems), psychodynamic theory, and cognitive behavioral strategies, among others—attempting to hold in mind both surface-level experiences and the deeper needs and dynamics that underlie them. Many couples come to therapy at times of conflict or alienation - either drifting apart or actively pushing each other away. Other couples have a hard time tolerating any conflict, with each partner feeling so protective of the other, or so personally distressed by discord, that there’s little room to address the issues that need attention. In either case, we will work to leverage each partner’s organic compassion, for themselves and for others, to find new ways of engaging that feel safe for all involved.