Maybe you’re here because your secret was discovered. A partner found the messages, the charges, the porn—and now you’re trying to explain something you don’t fully understand yourself. They said something like, “If this doesn’t stop, I’m leaving,” and for the first time, the stakes feel real and high. Sometimes it isn’t one dramatic moment. Instead, you might be here because you’re having the same exhausting arguments on repeat. They’re almost scripted at this point: you shut down, they escalate, you promise to do better. A few weeks later, you’re right back in it. You tell yourself this is the last time and you really do mean it. And still, something pulls you back. Or, you could be on the other side of this, loving someone who’s struggling with addiction and feeling stuck—knowing you can’t keep living like this, but unsure how to leave. It could even be questions about your identity, sexuality, or experiences with church and religion that are weighing you down, and you’re not sure how to wrestle with the shame you feel. Whatever the details of your experience, it often feels the same on the inside. Intimacy is complicated. Hard conversations feel impossible. You tell yourself you have everything under control, but really, your emotions and impulses seem to be controlling you. That’s usually when people call me.
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